On The Road with Dave

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-03-07T13:05:00.000-06:00

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it."

--Fyodor Dostoevsky

Still Searching For New Blog Home

2010-03-06T23:25:00.000-06:00

Since Blogger announced it was no longer supporting FTP blogs and abandoning me, I've been researching my options. Originally, Blogger announced a March 26th date for their date of non-support. Recently they announced they would give us poor saps until May 1, to make the necessary changes.

I've received some good informative comments on my last entry about the issue and a few friends have offered to help me with the upcoming move. I've been procrastinating. I'm glad the deadline was extended.

Blogger is trying to make the move as easy as possible with updates and instructions, but they have said if I follow their procedure, I would not be able to go back to FTP/private hosting with any entries after making their specific changes to their new format. I'm not sure I like the sound of that.

Other options presented to me have obstacles such as downloading some blog format software to my current computer. My current computer is an older model that I had to press into service and it does not support a lot of sites out there on the "Internets". Even YouTube has told me that my current system is out of date and updates are no longer available. (Yeah, it's that old)

So in order to follow some's advice, I'd have to invest in a new computer, too. I'm not ready to do that just yet. So, I'm still procrastinating and still searching for options. I'll figure it out.

Photo by Mattlemmon

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-02-28T11:00:00.000-06:00

"Of equality-As if it harm'd me, giving others the same chances and rights as myself- As if it were not indispensable to my own rights that others possess the same."

--Walt Whitman

Jimmy Nelson, Manic Mark, and Memories

2010-02-27T21:06:00.001-06:00

I was checking my email Saturday night and I checked on one of my Google Alert emails on the topic of ventriloquism. In case you didn't know you can set up Alerts with Google and they will email you a list of links for the day of websites mentioning your topic.

In the email, I discovered Mark Betcher's blog, "Art Work by Manic Mark". Manic Mark collects old vinyl LP Albums in the niche market of private labels, vanity press, and self-produced albums. Not only does he find the recordings and the production of the albums of value, but also the accompanying album covers and artwork.

Mark explains,

"About vinyl collecting and my reviews. Producing a record for most artists was a costly undertaking. Without label support, artists had to pay for studio time and many extras to help engineer a recording. Artists then had to pay for pressing the record and the cost of creating the album jacket. And the cost of printing, even a low-end, one color jacket was very expensive! Certainly there was no budget for marketing. There were no fashion consultants, make-up artists or professional designers working on these projects. These private press, off or no label, vanity LPs were "expensive" undertakings in the most low budget way. I treasure them because I get the artist's vision... not the marketing department vision! It's the unvarnished truth!"

I'm not harshing on Mark's hobby--I think it's kinda cool. But Mark reviewed an album that is near and dear to my heart and although he said some good things about it, he sort of dissed the subject matter and the effectiveness of the album.

The album was Jimmy Nelson's "Instant Ventriloquism and Ventriloquism For The Beginner". Jimmy Nelson was a famous ventriloquist in the 50s and the 60s and brought to life his partners, Danny O'Day and Farfel, for millions on TV. Nelson's commercials for NESTLES chocolate ingrained in every child's mind of that era with the clever jingle, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestle makes the very best...chocolate."

Nelson also licensed the likeness of his dummy, Danny O'Day to be sold as a beginner ventriloquist doll to boys and girls all over the USA through JCPenney's and Sears' Christmas catalogs. My first ventriloquist doll was a Danny O'Day doll received on my 9th Christmas along with an LP vinyl album called "Jimmy Nelson's Instant Ventriloquism and Ventriloquism For The Beginner"

Manic Mark says,

"I wonder how many people actually got anywhere learning the art of ventriloquism using this instructional LP? Not many, I suspect. The same deal applies to the instructional books you might buy as a comic book reading youngster to help you muscle up so that bullies would stop kicking sand in your face at the beach."

But Mark we must disagree. Not only did I learn ventriloquism from that album, but I performed all over my little city with that doll with nothing more than Nelson's instructions. Of course, my interest in the art sparked more reading, more training, and even more practicing; but that little doll and that recording was more than effective. Over the years, I've had conversations with other ventriloquists that had similar experiences.

Mark, you have found a piece of history for a lot of ventriloquists and I'm glad you found it worth collecting. (I still have my copy) Thanks for mentioning it, for saving it and for preserving it.

Thanks to Manic Mark you can listen to a small sample of the recording, and enjoy your first lesson in Ventriloquism from a Master--Jimmy Nelson.

Happy Living In Alabama

2010-02-26T21:45:00.003-06:00

Alabama is a happy state.

I say that with assurance and evidence provided by a scientific study. And this writer is happy that he lives in a state that ranks high on the "happy" list. If you will recall, I was rather "bummed" a few months ago, when another study ranked my current home city of Mobile, Alabama as a home for ugly men.

But revenge is sweet; and thanks to Rob Zeiger,who alerted me to the story; I happy to say that the "Happy study" beats the "ugly study", hands down.

The study was conducted by Professor Andrew Oswald of the UK's University of Warwick and Stephen Wu of Hamilton College in the USA.

The two professors first relied on research from a 2005-2008 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System random sample of 1.3 million United States citizens in which life-satisfaction in each U.S. state was measured. People were asked about their health and just how satisfied they were with their life. This provided a table of happiness by US State. But the survey is/was subjective. How do you rely on someone's self declared level of happiness? How do you know they are telling the truth?

Wu and Oswald state, "Researchers have, for decades, longed for a more clearly external scientific check on, and corroboration of, well-being survey answers."

The researchers discovered data conducted in 2003 by Stuart Gabriel and colleagues from UCLA which considered objective indicators for each individual State of the USA such as: precipitation; temperature; sunshine; coastal land; inland water; public land; National Parks; hazardous waste sites; environmental "greenness"; commuting time; violent crime; air quality; local taxes; cost of living and other factors. This allowed the creation of a rank order of US states showing which should provide the happiest living experience. This was truly external data that could be used to check Wu and Oswald's survey study.

When the data was combined, Oswald and Wu discovered that people were telling the truth. The "happiness" answers matched the data that would logically define a happy place to live. Citizens who described themselves as happy and satisfied tended to live in areas where it was warm, safe, secure and the cost of living wasn't a stone around their necks.

And yeah those big states, like California (46) have sunshine and New York (Dead Last) have opportunity but the researchers also say they have a self-non fulfilling prophecy of dissatisfaction and unhappiness, because people rushed to them to "be happy" and wind up in crowded cities with a high cost of living, crime, and resulting unhappiness from those factors and others.

I kinda felt sorry for New York Times writer, Clyde Haberman as he tried to justify his city's ranking as Number 51 out of 51 on the list. New York is a unhappy place to live, but Haberman states unhappiness could be a good thing, "More important, might contentment be overrated? Seriously, isn't restlessness, even outright discontent, often a catalyst for creativity?"

Sounds to me like New Yorkers are getting a small taste of being on an "Ugly List".

So, where are the happiest places to live in the United States?

1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. Mississippi
7. Montana
8. South Carolina
9. Alabama
10. Maine

That's right, Alabama is in the Top 10. My home state of Mississippi is Number 6 and one of my favorite cities, New Orleans; is in the #1 Happiest State in America. And this study was conducted before the Saints won the Super Bowl. In fact, six of the top ten states were in The South. It's about time, Southern states land on a list that's good and doesn't rank them last. New York will have to "get over it"; this time.

I knew it all along, but now, Science proves I'm happy living in Alabama.

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-02-21T08:40:00.000-06:00

"You have the Answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it."

--Pat Obuchowski

Getting Re-Married Ceremony

2010-02-18T02:04:00.002-06:00

The following video is the actual ceremony that my dear wife and I participated in on Valentine's Day 2010 with Steve Durkac officiating.

Read The Story Here At On The Road With Dave.

Getting Re-Married: A World Record Attempt

2010-02-18T01:40:00.000-06:00

It's not everyday that I'm challenged to break a world record. In fact, up until last Friday, I've never been challenged to break a world record. But my dear wife of 26 years asked me to participate in a world record breaking attempt that she figured I could handle. Her challenge--"Let's get re-married!"

The "re-married" part seemed easy enough. Rustle up a preacher, justice of the peace, or local Elvis impersonator and say the "I do's". How is that breaking a World's record?

Gulf Shores, Alabama restaurateur, Lucy Buffett(sister of singer, Jimmy)and owner of Lulu's Homeport had staged a Valentine's Day event to break the World's Record for most Married Couples to Participate in a Re-Vow Ceremony. The record stands at 1087 couples according to Guinness Book of World Records.

Last Sunday, on Valentine's Day, my dear wife and I made the 40-minute drive down to Gulf Shores and was greeted by other couples standing on the white sands of Lulu's complex which includes her restaurant, marina, playground, gift shop, and her outside bar, Bama Breeze.

TV crews from Good Morning America and local news stations as well as official Guinness record keepers were in attendance to witness the event. "Lulu" had prepared a stage for preacherman, Steve Durkac, and an emcee, that I swear must have had some Buffett blood in him somewhere to officiate the ceremony. Wedding cake, champagne, flowers, were all provided by Buffett.

Each couple, held two helium-filled red balloons during the ceremony ready to be lofted into the air upon saying, "I do", once again.

The Gulf Shores Fire Department provided a ladder/boom truck as a photographer pedestal to capture the crowd on film. The truck positioned itself across the dock canal/marina. In addition to the record attempt, Lulu provided prizes to the couple that traveled the farthest for the ceremony(3031 miles); Longest-married couple(68 Years); and Shortest-Length Married(3.5 hours).

My wife and I stood among the crowd as preacherman, Durkac, spoke to the couples and then we stared into each other's eyes and repeated the vows as they were given. We said our "I do's" and laughed and we were pronounced, "re-married" and kissed as we let our balloons free.

Did we break the record? Yes and No. We broke the record for the state of Alabama with over 400 couples in attendance, but well shy of the 1087 needed for a World's Record. A gallant attempt, indeed; and "Lulu" set a new vow to continue the tradition next year. I think I can be up for another attempt; after all you can get "re-married" to the same person more than once and in my case, that's a pleasure.

Happy Birthday, Edgar!

2010-02-16T02:12:00.000-06:00

Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen was born on February 16, 1903. 107 years later he is still remembered fondly, studied intently, discussed loudly, and remains the benchmark to which all ventriloquists are compared. Happy Birthday, Edgar!

Artwork, Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy--1938--by Dick Weston

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-02-14T07:43:00.001-06:00

"True love stories never have endings."

--Richard Bach

Codename:Cecil--Preparing To Begin

2010-02-13T23:39:00.002-06:00

I woke up today with the intention of starting to build my newest ventriloquist partner, "Cecil". As I explained before, Cecil will be a reincarnation of a previous puppet I once crafted. The project's beginning required a paper-mache' paste. The original used a wallpaper wheat paste powder mixed with warm water. It seems over the last 30 years or so that wallpaper wheat paste has been replaced by chemical glues and adhesive-backed vinyl wallpaper. I visited local craft stores, Hobby Lobby and Michael's Crafts with no luck in turning up the mix.

After searching the vastness of Google, I did find many recipes for wallpaper wheat paste that required wheat flour, sugar, salt, boiling water, and cooking with a double boiler and stirring; not exactly a length I want to travel. I did find the elusive mix online, but in bulk amounts too much for my small project. Finally, I found Golden Harvest that sells a small 3-pound amount that will be suitable for my needs. First I will shop at my local Ace Hardware and Lowes', since they were mentioned as distributors of the product and if that fails, I'll place an order online. In any case, this weekend will not see any progress on the project.

On a related puppet improvement project; I have rescued another old ventriloquist partner from the depths of my storage building. "Oliver" was a small red bird purchased from Maher Studios back when I was 15 or so. He helped perform at local library shows and birthday parties. Oliver had flapping wings, moving feet, winking and blinking eyes, and a spitter that could shoot a stream of water about 8 feet.

Oliver later became a "toy" for my kids and suffered quite a bit of damaged before being locked away under a mountain of boxes in a storage unit. A few days ago I contacted Clinton Detweiler of Mr D's Daily Ventriloquist Journal and "retired" proprietor of Maher Studios to see if "Oliver" could be rescued from the ravages of time and neglect. I'm awaiting the prognosis.

If anybody can put this bird "back in the air" or at least back on stage, I know Clinton is the fellow to do it. Looking at the figure at its worst now, should only make the final refurbish and repair all the more satisfying when it happens. It's hard to believe that the remarkable figure started out with a can as it's head and a bleach bottle as a body. I've read recent comments from other ventriloquists that are searching for this rare bird at auction sites. The Crazy Bird is no longer commercially available. I should have realized what I had a long time ago. Such is youth.

"Raisin' Cain" A Re-Run

2010-02-13T22:46:00.001-06:00

Originally Published February 18, 2007

In 1866, Mobile, Alabama was under "Union" Occupation and the spirit of the people was down and defeated. The tradition of Mardi Gras had been put on hold and no citizen of Mobile was allowed to protest against the occupation of what was still considered enemy troops.

A local clerk named Joseph Cain decided to have a parade of his own with a small group of friends. Joe Cain, dressed as a fictional Chickasaw Indian Chief named Slacabamorinico, climbed aboard a coal wagon and revived the celebration of Mardi Gras.

Union soldiers were unaware that the Chickasaw Indians had never surrendered during a war and thus were oblivious to the "protest". The parade continued on.

The parade still continues each Sunday before the official Mardi Gras day on Tuesday before Lent. Citizens of Mobile and visitors from around the world join in to celebrate Joe Cain Day.

Joe Cain has many merry widows that lay claim to him and his legacy. These "grieving" widows stop momentarily each year at Joe's Grave to throw roses and beads and dance to "raise Cain"; and then proceed through the parade route grieving and throwing beads to "mourners".

Of course, every funeral procession should have a "blues band" to lead the processional; and Joe Cain "mourners" hear the best.

But, Blues Bands are not the only music heard on the processional. The Joe Cain Day parade is a "people's parade", and the parade floats carry a variety of performers.

MORE PICTURES TO COME

READ MORE ABOUT JOE CAIN

B.O.O.K.: A Re-Run

2010-02-11T03:33:00.006-06:00

The following post was originally published on January 7, 2006. I thought in light of the recent announcement of the iPad, I'd visit the archives and re-run an article on my favorite piece of technology.

...I have found a device that I highly recommend to everyone.

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade named: BOOK

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no
wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be
connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child
can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even
sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful
enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here's
how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper
(recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of
information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit
device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their
correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use
both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density
and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for
further increases in information density; for now, BOOKs
with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information
directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to
the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used
merely by opening it.

Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires
rebooting, and it can even be dropped on the floor or
stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable
if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The
"browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet
and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an
"index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of
selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to
the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if
the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design
standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by
various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKmarkers can
be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous
views at once. The number is limited only by the number of
pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries
with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib
Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a
precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK's appeal
seems so certain that thousands of content creators have
committed to the platform and investors are reportedly
flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

Photo by gerard79

Another "Quit Date": Smoking

2010-02-09T00:35:00.005-06:00

For my loyal readers, you know that I generally keep my word or have a good excuse why I couldn't. I have a pretty good record of living up to any public commitments I make through this blog. When I made the decision to quit multilevel marketing, I agonized over my decision and was reluctant to quit when I did not reach my goals, but it set in motion an eventual departure from that business.

One commitment I have not been able to keep over the years is a commitment to quit smoking. I've looked at it from a financial perspective; I've tried the nicotine patches and tapering off, and cutting back, and twice I tried "cold turkey" for about six hours. Truth is, I like smoking. I know the health risks, the damage to my lungs, teeth, throat, etc. I also know that it affects my breathing and stamina while performing. Professional ventriloquists rarely interrupt their acts to cough and hack up a piece of lung. Also as a comedian, I can't cancel a gig because I'm suffering from my almost yearly bout of winter bronchitis.(Knock wood, didn't happen this year)

But I truly like lighting up. I smoke when I write, I smoke, when I drive, I smoke while watching TV, I smoke when I wake up, I smoke after I eat, and I smoke after...nevermind; I like to smoke.

Of course in light of a recent event that led to an ambulance ride, my health and longevity has been on my mind and I'm considering more and more the possibility of quitting smoking. I'm not looking forward to it and I'm a bit scared to attempt it.

So, in true "On The Road With Dave" fashion, I'm putting it "out there" for all the world to see. I'm setting another "Quit Date".

ON OR BEFORE MAY 6, 2010(My Birthday)I WILL BE AN EX-SMOKER.

That's in a little less than 3 months. In that time, I hope to find a method that works for me to quit smoking without the added stress of quitting smoking. Recently, a friend at work has started using one of those new "e-cigarettes", and maybe I'll give that a try. The thought of actually still holding something that feels like a cigarette and simulates smoking might work for me. I do realize that electronic cigarettes and patches and gum, take away the smoking addiction, but not the nicotine addiction. But maybe, that can be a first step. I haven't decided yet what path I'll take.

Medications have been offered by my doctor, but their list of side effects are as long as the ills of smoking. I joke that smoking prevents me from killing myself, and some of the stop-smoking pills say that killing yourself could be a side effect of taking the stop-smoking pills. Sounds like a no-win situation to me.

I'm going to re-visit all the alternatives to smoking and all the smoke cessation programs, except maybe hypnotism. I kinda like the "sex instead of a cigarette" method, but I'm pretty sure the wife won't go for that one for any length of time--but it's still an option.

I have 86 days to figure it all out. Can I do it? Will I need to make an excuse? I've set My "Quit Date".

ON OR BEFORE MAY 6, 2010(My Birthday)I WILL BE AN EX-SMOKER.

We'll see what happens.

Code Name: CECIL

2010-02-08T00:36:00.000-06:00

Materials Needed:

One Large Balloon(Punch ball)
Kraft Paper
Wheat Wallpaper Paste
Scrap 1/8 plywood or paneling
Approximately 1 yard of fake fur(long shag)
Package of shredded(or powdered) papier-mache'
Miscellaneous scraps of felt, velvet, feathers, etc.

String, screws, glue, wire, springs, wooden beads and some secret ingredients.

A long time ago, I had two other ventriloquist dummies before my current partner, Skyler. Both were constructed by myself. Both were lost or damaged beyond repair over the years and their absence has been weighing on me. I've had the desire in the last six months to resurrect one of the characters from scratch and add some improvements to his original design. That desire has recently manifested into an actual commitment to begin the process.

I'm constructing a new puppet to add to the new ventriloquism portion of my act. Though not Top Secret, I've christened the new project, CODENAME:CECIL, in honor of the previous character. The saga of the construction will play out over the next few months with photos of the progress. You can also bet that Skyler's Gravel Road will weigh in on the construction and the eventual character that evolves.

I don't have the mastery of some of the finer craftsmen of ventriloquist figures, but if history is any judge, I think I can pull this off. I'm also betting that a few of my ventriloquist readers will be able to guess by the photo, exactly what plans I'll be using circa 1974.

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-02-07T07:50:00.000-06:00

"Jumping at several small opportunities may get us there more quickly than waiting for one big one to come along."

--Hugh Allen

Blogger To Abandon Dave

2010-02-05T23:50:00.003-06:00

I've been dumped by girlfriends, had friends no longer hang with me, and horror of horrors; I have even had people "unfriend" me on Facebook and "unfollow" me on Twitter. But today, I think I have suffered the greatest indignity of all--Blogger.com has decided not to support me.

Today I read an email from the blogging service that as of March 26, it would no longer support FTP publishing. For those not hip to the jargon, it means I'll no longer be able to use the simple Blogger software to write my blog entries and then have them seamlessly upload to my www.ontheroadwithdave.com domain hosted elsewhere.

When I first started my blog, "On The Road With Dave"; its design was a Blogger template and written at Blogger and hosted by Blogger with Blogger's BlogSpot address, daveontheroad.blogspot.com.. Most Blogger-hosted blogs have the "blogspot" as part of the URL address. I was extremely proud when I purchased my own domain and was able to still write "On The Road With Dave" with the easy to use Blogger format, but have it hosted at my very own domain with no "blogspot" address. Moving the blog had it's problems, but it was worth it, to call it "My own".

So today, I read that Blogger wants to make me move my blog BACK to their site and their hosting and have me re-direct my readers via a Custom Domain hosting procedure and drop my current subscription with my hosting site, all because I'm one of the few(thousands)of their blogger population that publish to another host.

I'm faced with a host (get it? Host..web hosting...forget it) of problems. One problem for me is that they will not support a directory extension like .com/example. I created my DAVEWEAR page like that. Blogger will insist on subdomains like example(dot)mydomain.com. I hate subdomains.

Another problem is I kinda like having my files at a hosting site that I have some control over. And, if I go elsewhere I want to keep my current website look. Some of the borders and style are taken from adjusted rewritten original Blogger styles. I have no expertise on designing a new style sheet or template. Also, there'd be massive linkage breaks and images to reload. I already did that once. Most of my readers know, I'm limited in my "techy-ness". It takes me hours of looking at my template and figuring out where I insert some HTML piece that I copied from somewhere and inserting it into my design. Once it took me two hours to figure out how to change a background color.

Anyway I have until March 26 to decide what to do and complete the changes. I may go back to Blogger and use their solution, or migrate to another service such as WordPress. (Geez, another learning curve) Either way, I fear change and the probable pain and expense that will ensue.

Blogger may abandon me, but I'm not abandoning blogging or writing. Stick around and enjoy my suffering. You know you like it.

Trouble With Skyler

2010-02-01T00:04:00.001-06:00

I don't think I like my ventriloquist sidekick.

That's not entirely true. How do you spend 28 years with "somebody" without liking them? Okay, and I know he's not really "somebody"; he's a puppet, a dummy--he's not really alive. But, I'm having trouble with Skyler.

Skyler started out as an idea from a rough sketch I drew. His inspiration drawn from the poster boy of Mad Magazine, Alfred E Neuman. Legendary ventriloquist figure maker, Finis Robinson took on the task of carving out my idea into wood and creating my sidekick.

Finis wrote to me upon Skyler's completion, "He's a fine boy, but more
mature material will be needed for him." I'm sure that Finis didn't mean "dirty" or "blue" material, but rather Skyler would not be suitable for cutesy kid's parties. I was okay with that at the time, I was 18 and had visions of comedy clubs and TV appearances dancing in my head.

Things between Skyler and I started out okay. We were doing gigs, making people laugh, flirting with girls. Skyler went to college with me, joined me at some parties and generally was a good ventriloquist sidekick.

After I got married and put performing on the back burner for a while, Skyler spent a few years tucked away in his trunk; only to be brought out occasionally to entertain house guests or to undergo some routine maintenance. I would bring him out at times to do some ventriloquism practice, just to be able to say I was still a ventriloquist and to display some semblance of expertise.

That was when the trouble began. Working with Skyler became more difficult. Not with his mechanics or operation; he was and has always been a thrill to operate. His expressions were great, he was fantastic to manipulate, and his personality seem to flow out even before I put words into his mouth through ventriloquism. But, he seemed to be...how do I put this...mean.

As a ventriloquist, you have to practice daily on lip control, manipulation of the ventriloquist figure, and timing as well as the comedy act between the ventriloquist and the dummy. The dialogue between the ventriloquist and the dummy is a one-act play. A script is followed that allows the ventriloquist, in most cases, to be the "straight man" to the dummy. The ventriloquist sets up the jokes and the dummy delivers the punchline. Not so with Skyler. For some reason, Skyler doesn't stick to the script. I tend to argue with him during practice. Practice ain't fun with him. His "put-downs" seem spontaneous and evil. He berates me. His verbal jabs hurt. In short, I don't think HE likes ME anymore.

Now, before you start psychoanalyzing me and calling the good folks at my local mental asylum, I know that all his words are coming from my mouth. I know I'm arguing with myself. His cynicism and sarcasm and meanness is all coming from my mind. I have heard of ventriloquists outgrowing a dummy and moving to another character, but I don't think this is the case. It's more like, there's a frustration within myself that I have ignored Skyler that personifies itself as Skyler being annoyed with me. I've let his personality that I originally created for him atrophy to the point that all that exists is evil meanness.

I'm sure other ventriloquists out there may have gone through something similar, maybe not to this degree, but we all tend to project an inner personality through our dummies. Our dummies display that part of us that we tend to shy away from. And as a comedian, I'm often told that comics are a sad lot, deriving humor from their inner turmoil. If you ask me, all this introspective, reflective crap gets in the way of just telling funny stories and making people laugh.

So, if I want to add ventriloquism to my comedy gigs, and make it unique and funny, I need to come up with a solution that will satisfy my "inner Skyler" and use my longtime sidekick to make people laugh once again and not just piss me off when we practice.

It's either that or hire a local voodoo priestess to get rid of Skyler's evilness.

Sunday Thoughts

2010-01-31T17:45:00.000-06:00

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer."

--Clement Freud

Ambulance Rides Are Not Funny

2010-01-27T23:41:00.003-06:00

I spent Tuesday night in a hospital Emergency Room. It wasn't my first choice, but it seemed like the entire day had it out for me. Here's the complete story...

I generally stay up late and Monday night was no different. After spending some quality time online at Twitter and Facebook; I had decided to turn in around 3AM. As is my custom, I went to the 'fridge to pour one last glass of tea and smoke my last cigarette for the evening. Upon opening the fridge, I noticed that "de-frosty" smell you get when your refrigerator is not working. This led to the next couple of hours of emptying the refrigerator, digging out a cooler, chipping ice, and saving the perishables. At about 5AM, I crawled into bed for a few hours sleep before work on Tuesday.

Now, work is just work. I answer phone calls from customers of a cellular company and hash out their bills, fix their phones, and answer questions. Some customers are nice, some are not so nice. There's goals to meet, expectations, rules, and stress. I handle it all pretty well.

At about 9:30 or so,Tuesday night, I finished a call; said "Thank you for calling" and experienced a sudden sharp pain in the middle of my chest. I catch my breath a couple of times and put my phone software on hold. Another sharp pain in my chest and my right arm begins to hurt. Right away, I'm NOT thinking heart attack, because it's supposed to be your left arm and the pain is supposed to be more to the left, not in the middle. I'm thinking some indigestion is at work. Generally, I eat lunch before work and just wait until I get home at night for dinner. My lunch break is only 30 minutes and I generally use it to de-stress and smoke an extra cigarette before returning to take calls.

But the pain doesn't subside, and I catch the attention of my supervisor, and call her over. By this time, my fingers feel a little tingly, I'm kinda "clammy" and I'm not feeling so sporty. She calls Security, and they grab my stuff and walk me to the front of the building. I'm not walking too good by now and for some reason I'm feeling kind of disoriented. My wife is called and arrives and on the advice of the security guard, my wife takes me across the street to the local fire department.

After I explained my symptoms, they sit me down, they take my blood pressure,(157/90, put some Oxygen on me, start an IV and hook me up to an EKG machine. The EMT tells me that something doesn't look right and gives me a spray of nitroglycerin and some aspirin. I tried to stand back up but my legs went out from under me. An ambulance is called; much to my dismay, and I head to the local university medical center. I'm not liking all this. I have no medical insurance and I'm stressing about the money. On top of all this; now, I have a headache caused by the nitro.

The nice EMT, Donna, tried to relax me in the ambulance and asked me questions and I was slow to answer her and couldn't really think well. I couldn't remember my phone numbers, but I could tell her my Social Security number. We finally arrived at University of South Alabama Medical Center.

At the hospital--they hooked me up to another EKG machine. This is the third EKG of the evening, The EMT in the ambulance had also wired me up for the ride into Mobile. I have the little sticky patches all over my body by now. The hospital staff do a chest X-ray, draw blood, take my blood pressure(127/90) and asked me a hundred questions. "Rate the pain on a scale of 1-10" (7-8) "Use drugs?" (No) "History of heart disease?" (Yes) "How old was your Father when he died?"(89) and then I begin to wait. By now, it's about Midnight and the pain is a dull ache and I'm kinda hungry. Remember, I was going to go home at 10PM and eat.

The doctor came back in and said that my heart rate was good and the EKG looked normal. I answered more questions, but my two questions; "Can I go home? and Can I eat something?" are answered, "NO". The doctor said I needed to stay at the hospital for a second round of blood tests. I didn't know this, but the second round was for comparison purposes with the first round. During a heart attack, our hearts are kind enough to release an enzyme marker to let us know if we experienced any heart damage. Thankfully, my pain had subsided by now.

My wonderful wife who had been let into the room by now, decided to leave me to drive back home to gather up some stuff for me for what appeared to be my stay at the hospital. (By the way, did I mention that this was HER BIRTHDAY? Yes, she wakes to a busted 'fridge and is now at the hospital with her apparent "busted-heart-husband)

I laid in the hospital bed, listening to my heart monitor. I messed with the Oxygen Saturation monitor on my finger and made the wavy line on the monitor mess up and I read the same posters over and over again. "CALL BEFORE YOU FALL" and "YES YOU CAN ASK US IF WE CLEANSED OUR HANDS", with a smiling nurse washing her hands. If I had been thinking clearly, I would have called some one to ask them, but I missed that opportunity. Instead, I kept adjusting the hospital gown as it fell off my shoulders, tried not to move my IV-needled hand, and moved all the wires around so I could put a sheet over me. I also watched my blood pressure cuff as it automatically kept checking my BP(120/80).

At around 3AM, more blood is drawn through my IV tube,(That hurt like a "mother") and my dutiful-beautiful wife arrived back at the hospital.

A little after 4AM, the doctor said that my test results were negative for a heart attack. She said that I'm under a lot a stress and I smoke. (I knew that part) and that the chest pain was stress induced, possibly reflux, the pain raised my blood pressure and I probably had some anxiety and panic from it all. (I don't remember being that panicked) She also said I needed to schedule a stress test with my regular physician and that I needed to relax more, and quit smoking. To add insult to injury, she threw in, "You know if smoking doesn't kill you, it eventually causes impotency in men". (How,rude!) But the good news was that I could go home and take Wednesday off from work. My wife stayed home with me today, as well.

I do want to take this opportunity to thank the fine guys at Saraland Fire Department, Newman's Ambulance Service from Mobile, Alabama and the nice staff(Amy) and Dr. Costello at USA Medical Center.

Today, I've been sleeping a lot. I received some well wishes from Twitter and Facebook friends that read my status updates today and my wife's boss called to check on me. I've been thinking about my little "wake up call" that Tuesday decided to give me. Ambulance rides are not funny and I certainly don't want another one for quite some time. I suppose some changes are in order; Doctor's orders.

The Saints Are Coming

2010-01-24T22:09:00.001-06:00

The Gulf Coast shouts in glorified unison, "WHO DAT!"

The New Orleans Saints finally go to the Super Bowl!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE TEAM. YOU MADE US PROUD.

Sunday Thoughts

2010-01-24T11:42:00.001-06:00

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

--Conan O'Brien

The Return Of The King--Martin Luther King

2010-01-18T08:27:00.001-06:00

Click Here to View "Boondock's The Return Of The King" Adult Language and Racial Slurs Abound

Back in 2006, on Martin Luther King, Jr.'s 77th birthday; Cartoon Network aired an episode of their acclaimed animated series, The Boondocks of the comic strip of the same name. In the episode, an alternative history is told of the shooting of Martin Luther King, Jr. The episode's name was taken from the The Lord of the Rings volume The Return of the King. It won a Peabody Award.

The episode was controversial and funny and told the story of MLK alive in the 21st Century shortly after the 9/11 tragedy. Series creator, Aaron McGruder displays his comic genius and never-ending talent for commenting on popular culture and our sensitivities to race relations and politics in the classic episode.

As a long-time viewer of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, I consider this one of the best episodes of the series(and there are many favorites of mine) and thought it both appropriate and down-right funny to reference today on Martin Luther King Day.

Take 20 minutes and watch it, laugh and think.

"Sunday Thoughts"

2010-01-17T12:35:00.000-06:00

"Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."

--Paula Poundstone

ReTweet This Blog

2010-01-10T23:42:00.001-06:00

One of the great things about Twitter is the sharing of information between those you follow on Twitter and those who follow you. Someone finds a news article that they think would interested you, they send a "tweet" and you see it. You like it and you want others to see it; you simple "Re-Tweet" it.

In the beginning of Twitter, you would copy and paste the user's tweet, add their @username to the beginning of the retweet, and type RT in front of the whole thing to let your followers know that this person "said" something you want your followers to "hear".

Nowadays, you simply click on the "retweet" button under the the "tweet", and Twitter automatically re-Tweets it.

I've noticed blogs and websites placing their own Retweet button under their articles and interested readers can automatically click the button and the article would post on their Twitter stream of messages. I like that. So I went to TweetMeme and copied my own Retweet button, for future articles here at On The Road With Dave.

So if you see something, you want to repeat to your Twitter-faithful; you now can Re-Tweet This Blog.