I Kinda Miss The Tapes

This entry originally appeared as a guest-blog at Quixtar Blog.  It was inserted back into On The Road With Dave in November of 2015

Lord knows, I have voiced my objections to certain practices of Quixtar-related “motivational organizations”. And I know, that everybody and their brother that usually visits this blog(myself included) can find plenty of reasons not to spend money on motivational tapes, when your business isn’t producing enough profit to afford the motivation.

But, I kinda miss the tapes.

Now understand, I haven’t bought an Amway/Quixtar tape since before they came out with them ‘dere “new-fangled compact disc thingies. In fact, I guess the last Amway Motivational Organization tape I bought was in 1987, so I expect I have missed out on a bunch new stories of inspiration, preaching and politics, but I still kinda miss the tapes.

What do I miss?

The funny thing about these motivational tapes are…they are…well dammit, they’re motivational! They make you feel good.

Now, I realize my predecessor Xanadustc, here at QBlog and his own blog, went into great detail analyzing Amway and Quixtar Motivational tapes regarding their religious messages, but I just want to mention some of my favorite stories.

I remember Ron and Toby Hale talking about feeding their children the “good food” and themselves eating only one meal and then cooking popcorn and drinking water before they went to bed to “feel full”; before they joined Amway. (This story, by the way, has a shmaltz factor of 10+)

I remember Rick Setzer talking about driving down the road in their new motor home, while his wife Sue Lynn made him a cup of coffee. For some reason in the 80’s; that impressed me.

Or, Rick could describe eating a pineapple fresh from the fields in Hawaii, and have you salivating with every word; knowing in your heart of hearts, that you too, would experience the same thing one day.

I remember Effie Reed talking about wanting to divorce her husband and drinking to the point her children would “put her to bed”; before she joined Amway.(Shmaltz factor of 8, at least)

And I remember the applause. The deafening applause that went with each announcement of a speaker at the beginning of each tape. Applause, I craved. That was probably the most motivating factor of any tape I listened to.

My favorite speaker was Diamond Dewey Tobias. Dewey was from Florida. He was married to Kay. Kay looked like no other “Amway wife”. She was young, tan and looked like a smart “Barbie-doll”.

Dewey’s tape, “An ‘Open’ in Atlanta”, was my favorite tape. I had to order a second copy, because I wore the first one out.

Dewey could talk a coon down out of a tree. Wait, is that too “southern”? Okay you northwesterners, he could talk a salmon into a bear’s mouth. Better?

Dewey would talk about going down to Cape Eleuthera in the Bahamas just to spend a few days.

“There aren’t any phones there, so they can’t call you. You can just lay on the beach and be worthless”

This was before cell phones.

Upon hearing the potential income in an Amway business of his own, Dewey was ready to sign up.

“The way I had it figured, a diamond could make $60,000 extra dollars a year; I’d skin dive for Roto-Rooter for an extra 60 grand a year”

And Dewey had his own phrase about just finding 6 people to build a diamondship. It didn’t involve the cliche’ about a “blind dog with a bone in his mouth”. Dewey would say,

“Hey, even if you lived in a closet all your life, at least 6 people are going to open the door and ask you, ‘What are you doing in here?'”

When Dewey Tobias finished a speech, you were motivated to join, or motivated to get others to join, so you could be just like him. But more than that, you just felt better about life, your job, and yourself, in general.

So yeah, we now live in the age of sponsoring people in MLM via websites, blogs, email and instant messaging. We’ve streamlined training with newsletters, e-zines and internet forums. And we motivate through flash presentations, mp3’s and streaming videos, but occasionally I miss putting a cassette tape in the car player and driving home listening to the stories, the cliches and that wonderfully motivating applause.

I know that the current IBOs that read this blog already have in mind their favorite motivational tape, but I was wondering if the “MLM critics” still possess that ONE tape they secretly listen to?

If not, do you still remember that one speaker that you still admire? Think of it as a guilty pleasure.

C’mon tell me. It’ll just be between you and me(and the 10,000 other Qblog readers)

Admit it, don’t you sometimes kinda miss the tapes?

About Dave Robison

Now Appearing in an Extended Engagement! Join Dave Robison as he takes you into his world and his daily life of reviving a stand-up comedy career. Prepare for side trips exploring Public Relations, marketing and business ethics. Enjoy some frequent detours describing his observations on life. Read the exploits of this self-proclaimed Renaissance-man and blooming blogger as you go On The Road With Dave. From Mobile, Alabama comes Dave Robison, a confessed Internet-aholic, middle-aged-married-man, who's generally a nice guy--he just has one or two issues. Stand-Up Comedy by Dave Robison is available for corporate events, college campuses, and nightclubs.
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