It was last Friday–a hot October day in Mobile, Alabama. Like I’ve said before, it’s Mobile Alabama and it’s always hot. I was looking out the window of my office as I do when I’m bored or drinking. But the street below was quiet. I’m getting tired of the quiet. It had been a slow week and I was going a little stir crazy from the boredom. Things seemed to be running too smooth in the world of business. No one needed my help. No one had an issue. Except me, I needed a drink, a cigarette, and an assignment.
My partner, Skyler had been gone for three months. He said it was “vacation”. He needed to clear his head. Hell, his head is made of wood and hollow, how much clearing could it need. I glanced down at his cheap postcard from The Keys and imagined him in a seedy motel with an even seedier dame. I was jealous. I’d settle for just the seedy motel room and a change of scenery.
I looked at my office door. From the other side facing the hallway, it reads, D.Robison–Public Relations. That’s right, I’m The PR Guy.
At just that moment, the door window darkened. Someone was outside my office. They knocked.
“Just a minute,” I yelled, and slowly approached the door and opened it.
To my surprise and delight, I recognized the face in an instant. It was Bob. I smiled. Probably too much. Too big of a grin. I had blown my cool demeanor in seconds.
“BOB!” I exclaimed. “How the hell are you buddy? Get your ass in here.”
Bob looked the same. Still dressed in the dark suit with the obligatory Ray-Bans. Although he seemed to have a more relaxed countenance about him. No overcoat. No hat that half concealed his face. Not like old days.
I had to ask. “Where’s my pal, Doug?”
Bob grimaced, “Umm, we aren’t a team anymore. After you did all that work for us back at Amway so many years ago, he decided to go out on his own. Last I heard he was working on the Jeb Bush For President campaign.”
“Eeeewwww, that had to hurt.” I said. “Poor Doug…but, I bet he lands on his feet in no time. Is he..?”
Bob cut me off in mid-question and asked, “Dave, how have you been? You dropped off the “net” back in 2010…I thought maybe you retired, quit PR, or,” He paused, “I don’t know…was shot or something.”
That surprised me. “Shot? Or Something? Dude? Why would you think ‘Or something?‘ That’s scary. And dude, I sent you a Facebook friend request back then and you never accepted. Besides the Cops love me.”
Bob said, “Oh, I wasn’t thinking about a police shooting. But, you do live in the South AND you are a Democrat, so anything could happen.”
Bob was starting to bum me out. “Bob, are you here to further my depression or what? I thought this was just a friendly visit, but I’m starting to change my way of thinking.”
“No, no, no, it’s just a friendly visit. I was in the neighborhood, thought I would just drop by and say, ‘Hello’, and catch up on things and…and…ummm, well there might be one other reason.
“I thought so. Have a seat and tell me what’s the deal.” I motion him toward the chair and offered him a drink.
“Whiskey, straight up,” he replied.
I nearly choked on the surprise. Bob has never accepted an offer of a drink from me. He saw my surprised, and responded, “Yeah I started drinking after I left that other job. I drink occasionally to calm my nerves, or relax, or…actually I drink everyday. Usually just from the bottle. But hey, a glass–I can do that too.”
I had to asked, “So, what can I help you with?”
He stammered, downed the drink, and said, “I…I work for the RNC now.”
“THE WHAT?” I yelled. Continue reading